im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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