What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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