It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The Olympian is in my bed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
