Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
