Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
