I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
