Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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