the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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