After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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