I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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