So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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