it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
