Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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