Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
