K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
