Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
