i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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