How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
People in love make me want to vomit
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hippo gnu deer
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
