My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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