dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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