she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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