whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
