I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
