you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
