My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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