I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
