At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
