If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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