I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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