ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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