hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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