you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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