I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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