i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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