i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
