watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
