I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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