he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
