It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When are your genitals available?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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