What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
