i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
