Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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