I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
