just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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