I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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