was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
