he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
