If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
