I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
