I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
vagina is talking i cant
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
