sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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