Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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