I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I didn't notice because vodka
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
