I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So much rum. So many feels.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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