I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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