Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
