your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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