My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
