I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
