My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
