Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Randomize
